A confession and the generosity of a 15 year old

This is the account of one mom who has been failing miserably at parenting a teen. 

Do you remember what it was like to be a young teen? I must admit that I just vaguely remember bits and pieces from my early teen years. I remember thinking how my parents didn't understand me. I remember thinking "I'm going to remember everything! I'm going to be such a cool mom when I have kids because I'm going to remember the things my parents did that I really hated" 

Ha! Nothing could be further from that truth. I just don't remember that well any more and quite possibly, all the things I thought were my parents mistakes, really weren't. 

Raising a teen (she is 15) is super scary and very emotional. I'm constantly worried that I'm ruining her and always wondering if she will make the right choices at the right times. 

Transitioning from making all major choices for your child, to letting them make a lot of their own, is very unsettling. My mind floods with an explosion of questions: is she going to be able to stand up to peer pressure, will she tell me if she makes a bad choice, are her friends influencing her negatively, am I giving her to much reign, am NOT giving her enough reign? These are all great questions that should indeed be given some thought; but when these questions become fear driven, our actions can become hurtful.

My daughter, Mariah, spends a lot of time with her best friend. I'd say they are typical 15 years olds. I love that she has such a close friend to share her joys and sorrows with. She recently stayed at her friends for a couple days and today she came home. I knew she had taken some money with her that she had gotten for her birthday. I almost told her not to take it but I figured she would be responsible with it, especially since she knew I had planed to take her shopping over spring break. 

When we got home I said  "I hope you didn't spend that money". She gave me 'the look'. I angrily demanded to know what she spent it on. Her first words were "food" I was SO angry. I thought to myself, how could she do that? That money was for her to buy something nice for herself and she has nothing to show for it now! I validated my fearful thoughts that maybe her friends were influencing her poorly. I raised my voice and angrily replied "Seriously? Food? I was going to take you shopping! That's it! You're not going to Emma's any more!" She ran to her room, slammed the door and started crying. 

Sadly, I wasn't remorseful right away. I immediately logged onto her Facebook to try and justify my feelings that she was making poor choices. After searching and not really finding anything to warrant her life being in shambles, I decided to go to the source. After all, I wasn't just angry about the money, I was jealous that she spends so much time with her friends and not me. I went to her room and pretended to be cleaning while she sat in silence with red puffy eyes. After ten mins of that I finally just said it "why would you spend $50 on food?!?!" Trying not to cry she said "I didn't just buy food. I donated half of the money to kids who have cancer." I felt so small, I felt like the biggest jerk on the planet. If I had only listened. If I wasn't so concerned with looking like a bad parent I might have handled this in an honoring way. I had to choke back the tears. I had been so consumed with fearful thoughts of how she's managing her choices that I made hasty unjustified conclusions that could have easily been put at ease if I had just taken the time to talk to her. 

We had a nice long talk after that about her life and what she's been up to and what she sees for her future. I am going to make it a priority to always try my best to listen to the facts and not let fearful thoughts dictate my decisions. 

 

God is always in control and I will give him my children's lives and pray for them, with them, for as long as I'm their mama. 

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. 

Matthew 6:34

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? 

Luke 12:25 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Seeing God as He really is......

Thoughts 4/4/14 I often feel like we are missing it. We are missing something so critical in our daily walk with Jesus. We all deal with problems, trials, hardships and how we respond to these everyday issues is solely determined by what we believe to be true about God and His word. We are taught from the beginning how much God loves us and how He has a plan for our lives. A plan to prosper us and not to harm us. (Jeremiah 29:11) Do you believe that? Deep down in your sole, do you whole heartedly believe that God is working EVERYTHING together for your good? (Romans 8:28) this statement is so expansive that it's hardly comprehensible! You mean to tell me that God is working all things for my good?? YES, all things! Even down to the smallest details of your life. I remember a conversation I was having with a friend a while back and I was telling her about how I couldn't figure out which direction God was leading me because at first it seemed like everything was lining up for me to take my career to the next level and within a short time I had hit some road blocks that were making me rethink the whole thing! I had no idea what God was leading me to do and she said to me "some times I think life just happens" I completely disagree! I think God is in everything, even the smallest of details. I don't think life ever just happens. I believe we have a God who is so invested in us that He maps out even the smallest of details. Now that's not to say that my roads blocks were just put there to gain perseverance or build my faith instead of changing my plans entirely but that's just it! God IS, in fact, in every detail of our lives. We are so quick to throw around the term God loves me. I'm sooooo guilty of this! It's like a 'duh' moment; yeah, of course God loves me. But do we really understand the volume and intensity of this statement? Let me attempt to paint a picture here that will hopefully be a little helpful. Take a moment to picture a person committing an unthinkable crime. Any crime that makes you enraged...... Got one? Okay, now suppose you loved them......I cannot even wrap my head around this. Suppose you loved them so much you choose your very own child to take their punishment, to be brutally beaten and shamed. You can hardly stand the thought of them being forgiven let alone someone taking the punishment for them, am I right? God promises that he loves us that much. Romans 5:8 But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Its human nature to think of ourselves as decent people and genuinely caring and loving. We never will understand how full of evil we really are. The Pharisees were distraught over their sin and repented deeply, but a true Christian repents of his righteousness. Even our greatest sacrifices and best deeds are tainted and like filthy rags to such a Holy God. (Isaiah 64:6) and yet, regardless of this fact, He's still madly in love with us! If we really understood who God is, would we really be anxious or worried about anything? If we understood the magnitude and greatness of what He did for us, what could bring us down? We won't ever fully understand Gods love and Grace until we see Him face to face but I'm this short life we have we can move closer to that understanding and the closer we get the better equipped we are to handle everyday problems. You see, we know the ending of this story, Jesus wins!! And if you already know the ending, what are you so afraid of? If You really understood the magnitude of what Jesus gave up for you, would you really be worried about the small sacrifices He wants you to give up? How we react to everyday problems tells us how we view God. Are you handling stress well? Do you fall apart when something big happens? My prayer for us is that everything in this world that doesn't matter will fade away and Jesus will be the center of our focus. I pray his beauty will be shown in our pursuit to see who He really is and our faith to be grounded in His truths!