Today was one of those days you just feel like running away! Actually, this whole week has been so crazy! I'm not sure why but the kids have been misbehaving a lot more than normal and I have been trying out some new discipline with them but it's not going well. I suppose I'm just not consistent enough with it.
Every afternoon seems to be a struggle. Kaylee and Sierra wake up from their naps right before Joshua and Mariah get home from school. That's when the fighting starts. And not just the fighting but lots of whining and then comes the 20 questions. 10 seconds of this and I'm already puling out my hair. Today seem worse, more whining and fighting. Then Chad woke up and we started fighting probably due to the stress the kids children created but we let it get to us I suppose.
Mariah had tutoring so I decided to take her so I could get out of the house for an hour. Right before leave our argument got really heated which ended up with him telling me to leave and me slamming the door. I tried to cool off on the drive over to Peoria but I just couldn't stop being angry.
I was so mad! FUMING mad! How dare he say things like that to me. After all, I just spent all day cleaning out our closets and getting rid of old clothes. I even put 5 loads of laundry away all while taking care of the little girls! I don't deserve to be treated like this! I wanted to scream and cry and protest! I felt (At that moment) like I just couldn't do it. I can't be a good mother to these kids. They are driving me crazy and I can't control them!
It felt like I was wearing a 100lb weight vest. I had an overwhelming sense of despair come over me. I sat expressionless blankly staring at the road.
There was a truck in front of me that I hadn't noticed until now. I looked up and on this trucks tailgate is a large silhouette of a man kneeling at the cross. My mind was still racing, trying to figure out a solution to my desperation. Then God showed Himself in all of His glory and I finally realized just what I was staring at! I suddenly let go and a verse came to mind:
Mathew 6:34 Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own.
1 Petter 5:7 Cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.
I cried out saying " Lord, I NEED you! I can't do this on my own!" And I felt so much lighter and at easy. I was not angry any more. Just like that it was gone! I felt the need to tell Chad I was sorry..... which I might add doesn't happen often with either of us. Right about then I was just arriving with Mariah so I started texting Chad and before I could finish I had an incoming text. It was Chad apologizing to ME!! I was so thrilled and over joyed at how God's love worked through both our hearts and the rest of the evening went very well! It's it amazing how God speaks to us through such simple things like a picture on the tailgate of a truck? Thank you Lord for helping me to see that I need You!
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