Kill the expectations!!!

Dear Friends, 

Who of you struggles with burdens? Everyone of us. Who struggles with feeling like no one is helping us to bear our burdens? Can I just be raw and candid with you all; because I believe that one of the best ways to grow is through sharing our own personal struggles with each other. 

This past weekend my pastor preached at great message on bearing each others burdens. Go have a listen if you’d like, here’s the link: http://www.elevatechurch.org/podcast.htm. I completely understood when he was talking about not being self focused and helping others, or at least I thought I did. On Monday morning life knocked me down. I’m not talking about things like flat tires or kids driving me crazy, (even though we all know days like that can ruin us) I’m talking about a job lost when we are already homeless, and not just any job, a job that my husband has taken a leap of faith for. He had quit his current job for this job that promised to free us of the homeless situation we are living in. I felt crushed. I know God has a plan and  knowing that gave me comfort but I was still grieving. After some prayer and thought I sent out texts to a few people who have been great supporters in my life to ask for prayer. Out of the few people I messaged one of them had very little response. I was hurt and felt like my problems were just too messy for them. So as I sat in bed crying (yes I know, I don’t cry often but I did cry) I waited for that text I thought would surely come and it never did. I started to become angry thinking about this weeks sermon on carrying burdens. Surely this person is Godly and heard this sermon, why are they not helping me carry this burden? My thoughts were not pretty and I hate admitting that I thought this way but I’m a selfish sinner, need I say more? 

Here’s where it gets good! In my anger I thought, I’m going to read some commentaries on this verse and validate my feelings. I was determined to prove that I was right! As I was searching different versions of commentaries all of them seemed to be the same sounding gong of what certain words mean in hebrew and all that technical stuff (which is great just not what I was looking for). Then I came across THIS:

The focus isn’t on “expect others to bear your burdens.”  That is self-focused, and always leads to pride, frustration, discouragement, and depression.  Instead, God always directs us to be others-focused, and says, “bear one another’s burdens.”

Oh my heart, gasping for air now……. That was like a whack in the head, punch to my gut, knees to the floor! How did I miss that?? How could I have been so hypocritical? Whose burden was I bearing? So I read further:

This is a simple command to obey.  Look for a brother or a sister with a burden, and help them with it.  It isn’t complicated, and it doesn’t take a huge program or infrastructure to do it.  Just look for a burden to bear and bear it!

Its so simple, just look for burdens to bear. The greatness continues:

“If we can overlook our own shortcomings and wrong-doings, we ought to overlook the shortcomings of others in accordance with the words, ‘Bear ye one another’s burdens.’”

“Notice the assumption which lies behind this command, namely that we all have burdens and that God does not mean us to carry them alone.”

If anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself: What will keep us from bearing one another’s burdens and fulfilling the law of Christ?  Pride, which is when anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing.  It is often pride that keeps us from ministering to one another as we should.

At this point I was feeling pretty convicted, not validated. I was definitely being prideful. I continued to read and oh yes, it gets better. 

As much as anything, pride is self-focus.  Pride doesn’t necessarily say, “I’m better than you are.”  Pride simply says “I’m more important than you are, so I deserve more of my own attention and love than you do.”  Instead, Biblical humility tells us, “I’m nothing but you are something.  Let me care about your burdens and needs.”

Seriously? Was I so self focused that I felt like I was more important and needed more time than they might? I wasn’t directly thinking this but after searching the root of why I felt the way I did was because I felt this person was blowing me off in my time of need for their own needs. Which is EXACTLY what thinking “my needs are more important than yours” means!! 

When anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, it also stifles ministry in another way.  People, out of pride, will refuse to receive help when someone else reaches out to help bear their burden.

Ive been that person too. 

It is important to understand that Paul writes to every Christian when he says, “when he is nothing.”  In the sense Paul uses the idea here, it isn’t that some Christians are something, and others are nothing, and the problem is that the nothings think they are one of the somethings.  Instead, Paul writes with the same idea behind Philippians 2:3b-4: In lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.  Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.  If I esteem you above me, and you esteem me above you, a marvelous thing happens: we have a community where everyone is looked up to, and no one is looked down on!

Ok, WOW! Is this not just an awesome picture of how things ought to be, especially in our church family!!! We should freely give grace just as we want that same grace. When someone fails us and doesn’t meet our expectations do we extend unconditional grace? I think most of us would say no. Its impossible to extend grace without Jesus. It’s nothing of our own strength or self efforts. We are powerless apart from the Holy Spirit. This brings me back to the point of bearing one another’s burdens. Go, find someone and bear it. Helping someone else helps us fulfill Jesus commands to us. The verse commands us to bear the burdens of others, not to make sure others are bearing our burdens. Let’s esteem others!! By definition Esteem - “respect and admiration for a person.” Just think about how free we would all be if we stopped placing expectations on others and started lovingly bearing burdens and encouraging one another!!