The Miracle is About to Happen!

There is a miracle that HAS happened and a miracle that WILL happen.  I'm writing this as a testimony to anyone God may draw to see and believe.

I humbly step out from the shadows and bow with all humility to my rescuer. HE gets the glory for every last inch of it. I only ask, God, that your words and YOUR story of my life be told in its entirety that others may see and be amazed at what you have done. I ask that in spite of my powerless and weak being, you speak through me to reach those that also need rescuing. May my life be a testimony of your great love and mercy. Rid me of this pride that wells up in me for fear of what some may see of how I once was. The story is yours and the point of you pulling me, us, from this wreckage is for the upmost glory it will bring to you. My life has been a series of bad decisions and I was much more lost than I ever realized until you pulled me right out of that dark place.

I'm going to start telling my story now and by the time I finish the miracle that you have promised will have happened.

But I want you to know, reader, that the real miracle has already happened. He rescued a wretch like me. My situation has not changed but my heart is completely whole now. As I tell my story God, my prize, will do another miracle. He has promised and I will believe, even at the risk of my reputation. Brave and bold He makes me. Each step stronger than the last. By the time I'm done telling this story, He will have delivered us from this homeless situation.

For the record everything is currently the same. Part time work which means there is not enough income to sustain us on our own. Jobs have been applied for weekly for months without any phone calls. My husband still has dyslexia so no he cannot read or write well to get the job he needs for sustaining us. The situation still appears hopeless, but nothing is ever how it appears. We serve a God of miracles and He is the provider and the shelter. Humanly it's not calculable, but spiritually it's already completed! Be ready friends, this is going to get good! I can hardly contain my excitement!!!

Preparing for your THEIR first moments in eternity.

Have you ever visualized what it will be like when you see God face to face for the first time? I think none of us can even fathom what that moment will be like. I think I would probably pass out if that were possible in heaven. I'm sure at some point we've all thought about it and maybe you think about it often, but do you ever think about your spouse or children's first encounter in Gods presence? I can honestly say that I never had until I read Fracis Chan's book "You and Me Forever." If you haven't read it, you probably should! I'm not even half way through it, but it's chalked full of pure passionate truths. I promise you that there is more than just marriage to learn from in this book.

My mind was certainly expanded when I started reading about viewing my spouses first encounter with God. I started to think about that whenever something he would do bothered me. It changed the way I interact with him. If I'm tempted to nag when he leaves his clothes on the bathroom floor I ask myself "will this cause him to sin? Seriously. Will it cause him to get defensive or unnecessarily argumentative? Not that my nagging isn't a sin, but then I am also aware of my own stumbling a little more as well. Today that same concept spilled over into my parenting.

We have 5 children. 4 girls and 1 boy. My son is my biggest challenge. Not because he's any more defiant than the girls, but because he's the only boy, he gets certain attention and uses that to his advantage. Today he broke a very serious rule. He left the house after I had already told him no. He went to an unapproved friends house that we were not even sure where they lived. As we were getting ready to run out the door I asked where Josh was? My 15 year old informed that he had left to his friends. We then had to run house to house to find him. Finally, after several door knocks and odd responses we found him. Thankfully, he was safe, but I was HEATED! He got into the car and I let it rip! "What were you thinking? I told you no! We didn't even know where you were!!" As I heard his attitude, which sounded similar to mine, I once again reminded him of the seriousness of his actions. I told him which privileges he would not be enjoying for a while and he began to just sob. The girls were discussing their pre-planed movie night that Joshua would no longer be enjoying with them. He begged and begged. My heart broke. I didn't want to take that activity away from him, but I knew I had too. As I sat there listening to his sad sniffles, trying not to give in, I thought  to myself "it's because I love you THAT much. I care about your first encounter with God" I thought of this because I had also had a really rough day. 

I had been hit with an emotional melt down just hours before this. It was just a moment in where I felt weary of this situation. I wasn't doubtful or even angry, I just needed to have a moment to admit that I'm hurting but I know there's a purpose. As I was crying out for deliverence God reminded me that its because He loves us SO much that we are still in this situation. I thank God that His thoughts are higher than mine and right now He's giving us everything we need even when we feel like we need more. He's preparing us for our first encounter with Him for eternity.

2 Peter‬ ‭3‬:‭13-14, 18‬
But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, where righteousness dwells. So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with him.

But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen. 

I challenge you to also view other peoples first encounter with God. While you interact with the people around you, ask yourself if you are helping them to prepare for meeting God. I know that I want to be prepared for that day and I don't want to be responsible for causing anyone to not be due to my actions or lack of them. Be prepared. Help prepare. You and Me Forever. 

Untamable Passion!

Dear friends,
I'm writing this in hopes that these words will spark a fire in everyone who reads it. We need to get passionate about Gods calling on our lives, and live cautiously untamed, expectant, persevering lives for Jesus! 
I never want to be causal about my relationship with God. When I come into His presence, I want to be amazed and awe struck every single time! This is not an easy task, but it should be. I find that most of the time we come to God with requests, fears, hopes and dreams, in so much passiveness, that we often fail to even present what we are asking for in a God glorifying way.  Brothers and sisters, we ought to be falling straight to our knees in the presence of such Holiness. We ought to be breathless when we realize WHO God is. Even in times when you're not able to physically be on your knees you can be passionately humbled in your heart while taking to the God of the entire universe. 

Think about that. We are coming before this Holy being that created every human, every beautiful flower, every star, EVERYTHING. And WE have access to this God??!? Amazing! Are you not amazed that YOU, (insert name), have access and permission to come before the very being that created the millions of galaxies? If that doesn't take your breath away I don't know what will! 

It's a struggle that many of us face. I too, admit, that at times I fail to even think about such things. I come to God quickly trying to spew out everything that's in my head without taking time to just give God his due Glory, and in turn that would prepare my heart to better speak what I'm feeling and ask more passionately for provision on my life. 
If you're not feeling it, you need to ask God for it. He gives generously to all who ask. Ask Him for passion and desire, ask Him to reveal His glory, ask Him to make you breathless! 

You would never guess that just two short days ago I had feelings of hopelessness. I started to feel like our situation would never change. I was feeling powerless and foolish for having the hopes and dreams I had. That day when my husband came home from work having the exact same feelings, I KNEW right away that it was the enemy getting in our heads. I immediately got very angry at the work satan was doing. At first it caused tension between my husband and I, but I knew what to do. I kept redirecting my anger toward the enemy, and then I began to fight back!! I started reading scriptures out loud that I knew where the truths we needed to hear. I read louder and louder and prayed with a vengeance to be rescued. The power that welled up in me was liberating. I shattered those lies and sent the pieces straight back to hell where they belong! And because I was faithful and refused to believe the lies, God sparked a fire deep in my soul, and I have never felt so alive. When we fight back and stop the enemy in his tracks, strength and power are born. 

Father, 
I ask that every person, every soul that reads this would be awe struck and the fire would consume them! I pray that all of us be knocked to our knees and amazed by WHO you are. I believe with everything in me, that YOU will start an untamed, uncontrollable fire in our hearts that drives us to live out our calling for your glory. My God, my king, don't let a single person read this without FEELING your presence. Move us to passionately, uncontrollably, seek our calling.
Thank you Jesus for giving us your spirit and setting us apart!

My BEST year

This past year has been one of the BEST years I've ever had! If you know me personally, and are aware of the challenges we've faced, you might be a bit surprised that I'm calling it my best year. 

Probably my most favorite book of the bible is James. James 1:2-4 has been quoted to me and by me, but I don't think I really understood how to live it.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 

Some of what I prayed in 2014:
Jesus,
Pure joy? Seriously? How do I have pure joy when my husband has lost job after job (nearly 15 jobs) over the past 5 years? Why should I be thankful when my van has broken down about 25 times (not even exaggerating) in the last year? Am supposed to be happy about being homeless for an entire year now? Let's not even talk about the living conditions! Will my step daughter ever come over again? It's been two years and she was my best friend. What about all those lonely nights I spent, sitting alone in the dark, wondering if my husband would ever stop drinking, or if he even loved me. And all the times I felt so lonely and isolated; all the times I felt like you were striping away every person I wanted to find comfort in at the times I needed them the most! Where is the joy in that!?!? I'm drowning and you seem so far away, Lord rescue me! I'm breaking. 
You know the desires of my heart. You know I want to honor you in all I do. I want my family to always glorify you. I want to be a light in the world. I want people to be attracted to me because they can see and feel Jesus when they are with me. I want to be your humble servant, show me how. Please God rescue and CHANGE my heart. Break it for what breaks yours. Transform my will to yours.

And sweet Jesus answered me with pure, beautiful, truths:

My child,
You are precious in my sight. I know the desires of your heart and I give generously to those who ask. YOU were CHOOSEN for this purpose, for these tasks, and I will make you strong and hold you up with my righteous right hand. When you call for help, I will rescue you and comfort you. Do not be afraid for I am with you. You will be royalty in my kingdom, and I will show my glory through you wherever you go.

Gasp! Me? Royalty? I am not worthy of such a title! I am a broken sinner. I have so many flaws, and I fail time and time again with the same struggles! Wait, what did God say to me? I asked for wisdom. I have asked for desire and passion. I pleaded for my heart to break like Jesus heart breaks. I've asked to have compassion and to be able to encourage others. I've asked for so many things, and I desperately want these attributes!The ONLY way to get these things is through perseverance in trials. 

Every trial, every sharp and stabbing pain, every lonely night, every tear is for gain. Gaining what our hearts truly desire! God couldn't use me much with the condition my heart was in before. I ASKED for Him to transform me. It took a long time for me to really see what God was doing in my heart. I was angry, jealous, and I had a lot of self pity. I resisted for quite some time which slowed the process down, but when I finally let go and relinquished my control, the work began to take root and growth happened. I can see and feel the places in my heart that God has taken out and filled in with His mercy. I am so incredibly different from who I was at the beginning of this year. To look at my old self and see the progress is pure joy my friends. Now am so thankful for every situation and circumstance that has left me with only God to hold onto. God had to strip certain idols from my life, out of my heart, for me to desperately want Him. I may be being prepared for even more difficult trials, but now I face them with boldness and courage, warped up in Joy for what He is doing in my heart,  that I am powerless to do. 

We are the branches and He is the vine. He has to prune us to get more growth. If you are being pruned you are being prepared for greatness! Find joy in the midst of your brokenness with faith that God is making you new! 

One night a few months ago I was out running some errands, and I like to worship when I'm driving. I was sing quite loudly and asking God desperately to show me just a twinge of His glory. I believed that he would and when He did I was breathless! When you ask without doubt and with that kind of passion you'll be speechless at the outcome. Pray with passion and desire. Speak from the very depths of your being!   

So, 2014 is thus far, my best year! It's my best year because the deep desires of my heart are to be like Jesus, and never in my life have I experienced so much growth in such a short time. I am SO very excited to see what God brings for me and my family in 2015!!

Progress report:
My husband has quit drinking!! And I KNOW he loves me. We both quit smoking! (I'm still a bit uneasy putting that out there because I really tried to hide it from everyone that I was a smoker, but I believe that's just a pride struggle so I'm being vulnerable with that one)
We have had a complete relationship healing with my step daughter. I've also seen huge growth in my kids. My husband has also become a spiritual leader in our home for the first time, and I cannot even begin to describe the amount of growth he has had in the last few months! These are just the most visible blessings we've seen this year, and I expect more to come VERY soon.